| Police Inspector sets wife ablaze ...But I can’t leave him –Victim By KELECHI MGBOJI Sunday, March 25, 2012What would make a man empty a gallon of fuel on his wife in the kitchen without regard for his 18-month-old son by the woman?
That was the question on the lips of stunned patients and visitors at the Leverage Hospital, Igbo-Elerin, Okokomaiko, a suburb of Lagos State, where the doctor and his retinue of nurses are battling to save the life of a woman whose husband, a police inspector, set ablaze on Friday after a squabble. The victim, Augustina, hails from Anambra State while her husband, Wasiu Jimoh, is from Kwara State. With burns all over her body, fluid mixed with human fat dripped ike a fountain from her face down her chest to her fingertips. Writhing in pains, the medics, Dr Bayo and the nurses, battled to give Augustina some relief as her peeling skin glued her to the hospital bed. The doctor said she had suffered second-degree burns. Initially, she hardly uttered a word except some feeble words expressing regrets over a marriage that has gone sour barely two years after it was contracted. How it started The residents of 7 Tunde Lawal Street, Okokomaiko, woke up on Friday to witness a more dangerous fight between the couple said to be notorious for constantly quarreling. According to Augustina, trouble started on Thursday when she reported to the husband that a certain lady sent her an irritating text massage warning her to leave Wasiu alone, claiming that the police officer was her man. The victim, who claimed that her husband had the habit of keeping relationship with other women, said Inspector Jimoh flared up and started beating her. On Friday morning, he reportedly told her that since she was stubborn, he was going to deal with her. She also claimed that he had constantly quarrelled with her over her demand for feeding money, adding that he frequently assaults her on the slightest provocation.According to the victim, as he was pounding her, a neighbor came to her rescue and facilitated her escape to another neighbour’s kitchen, who was cooking at that time, only for the husband to rush in and emptied a gallon of fuel upon her by the fire place. But police officer, said to be serving at the Ifako Police Station, Bariga, told the doctor that it was his wife that was bearing the keg of fuel in her hand as she made her escape into the neighbour’s kitchen. Unfortunately, he explained, the fuel exploded upon her leaving the whole place on fire. Scared neighbours When our correspondent visited the couple’s residence, neighbors talked about the incident in hushed tones as if all were mindful of an uncertain fate that might befall them if they said anything. Sunday Sun gathered that the victim was the fifth woman in the officer’s home, as four other women that lived with him had ran away for their dear lives. A reliable source disclosed that his first wife escaped when she realized that the man was like a time bomb that could explode on her. She is said to be presently living abroad. It was gathered that until Augustina came, no woman could live with Jimoh. But the victim, according to a close associate of the husband, believed she could change the man for good. Augustina’s shocker Asked if she would return to the marriage after her ordeal, Augustina reluctantly told our correspondent that she would wait for her family’s decision. According to her, she cannot give a definite response until she had heard from her family and that her mind was not made up. Our correspondent also gathered that when the incident happened, the woman ran to her Pentecostal church pastor to show him what was left of her burnt skin before the pastor instructed her to proceed to the hospital for medical intervention. Her decision to rush to her pastor, it was explained, was because the man of God had been advising her to pray that the man could change since there is no situation too difficult for God to handle. The woman has however appealed for assistance from government and non-governmental organizations. The police officer was arrested on Friday but it was gathered that he had been granted conditional bail at press time. Culled from Daily Sun, Nigeria |
Montag, 26. März 2012
WHY ARE SOME WOMEN FOOLISH AND NAIVE ?
Freitag, 16. März 2012
DATING
Dating clichés that are actually true
By Elise Nersesian
No doubt about it, scientists do amazing things. But sometimes people in white coats emerge from the labs, proud and exhausted with conclusions that are so painfully obvious (Beautiful people have more romantic options! Confident people are more attractive!) that it makes us wonder why they even bothered. So why do they? “We can’t assume the obvious, because sometimes what we believe to be fact is colored by our social experience and expectation,” says Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. “A century ago, it was ‘fact’ that women couldn’t be expected to be intelligent enough to vote, and that women who were pregnant needed to avoid any heavy exercise. It is ‘obvious’ that chocolate is bad, or that wine is bad. Newer studies show there are health benefits. Until we test out what we ‘know’ is true, then we are just perpetuating stereotypes. Scientists need to re-do studies, because almost always, there are methodological problems in previous studies. One interesting study that showed women were more likely to describe themselves as ‘feelers’ rather than being mechanistically inclined showed [that] the difference disappeared if you didn’t ask the person to identify themselves by sex at the beginning of the study,” explains Haltzman.
The fact is, so-called “obvious research” offers insights about dating and relationships that we need in order to make informed decisions about our own love lives. And people are fascinated by the results even if they could have predicted them as common-sense outcomes, says Haltzman: “People are drawn to reading about and hearing about these studies because humans are social animals, and on an unconscious level, we are constantly trying to make sense of social cues to improve our own standing among our peers. A guy may guess that when a woman strokes a beer bottle and gazes downward she’s interested in him, but it helps to have the scientific proof to back it up!”
Here are the most common dating clichés that actually bear some truth.
Cliché #1: Hooking up on a first date probably won’t lead to love
Women hear it all the time: If you want a relationship, don’t sleep together too quickly. But is this advice simply old-fashioned — or is it legit? Most likely it’s the truth, according to a study conducted by the University College London, University of Warwick and the London School of Economics and Political Science, which found that a relationship does have a better chance of getting off the ground if a couple doesn’t become intimate on the first date. Using a mathematical model, researchers found that more “reliable” men are willing to wait longer before doing the deed. Why does holding out boost your odds of landing a relationship? Researchers say that the early stages of courtship allow women to gather information that helps them assess a man’s romantic potential to ensure that he’s worth sleeping with before doing so.
Cliché #2: Beautiful women expect men to pay for their dinner on dates, and men are happy to offer
It pays to be pretty! Psychologists from St. Andrews University in Scotland found that men are more likely to pay on a date if find the woman to be quite attractive. According to the study, that’s because men believe if they invest their resources and prove they have the potential to be good providers, it increases their chances of securing a second date. Not that the ladies mind, either — the researchers found that women who consider themselves to be physically attractive expected their dates to shell out for dates.
Cliché #3: Men enjoy casual flings more than women do
Samantha Jones might have had her share of one-night stands and meaningless encounters, but the average woman just isn’t into that... at least, not according to findings published in the journal, Human Nature. Why? Evolutionarily speaking, women bear the brunt of child-rearing, so it’s important for them to enter relationships with men who could be potential husbands — making them less likely to hook up with just anyone. When the study’s researchers at Durham University in the UK asked almost 2,000 men and women to talk about their feelings after partaking in a one-night stand, 80 percent of the male participants had positive feelings about their night of passion, saying they secretly wanted their friends to find out about their escapades. Only slightly more than half of the women surveyed echoed those positive feelings (54 percent). In fact, the female participants were more likely to say that they had “let themselves down” and were worried about damaging their reputation, saying they found the experience less sexually satisfying than the men did. Another study conducted by researchers at James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA found that when given a choice, guys opt for hooking up instead of dating and women prefer dating over a casual fling. Who knew?
Cliché #4: Men get uncomfortable when women cry in front of them
Ask any guy how he feels about crying, and he’ll probably say that there’s nothing worse than seeing a woman reduced to tears in his presence. But men aren’t exactly being insensitive jerks; rather, their discomfort with tears has biological roots. A paper published in the journal Science found that female tears actually contain odorless chemicals that physically turn men off. When researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Rehovot, Israel had 24 men aged 23-40 sniff jars containing either female tears or several drops of a salt solution, then had them rate women’s faces for sexual attractiveness, 71 percent of the subjects who sniffed the female tears found the women to be less attractive. What’s more, men who took a whiff of the jar containing human tears showed reduced levels of arousal, a slower breathing rate, and lower levels of the male hormone, testosterone (which could explain why shedding a few tears around a man will make him agree to anything, as long as you stop).
Cliché #5: Bad boys are especially sexy
Sean Penn, Colin Farrell, and Chris Brown: three men most of us might think are indisputably hot, but as luck would have it, scientists still wanted to prove the allure of these bad boys. Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that guys who look moody or sullen are more attractive than men who smile, according to a studypublished in The American Psychological Association journal, Emotion. The reason: A man with a don’t-come-near-me face conveys that he’s strong and valuable — two traits that women traditionally look for in a man.
Cliché #6: Men prefer younger women; women prefer rich men
Donald Trump and Melania Knauss, Kelsey Grammer and Kayte Walsh, Hugh Hefner and… well, anyone may look ridiculous walking down the street together, but these unlikely pairings can be explained with science.Research published in the journal Biology Letters found that men prefer younger women because they’re very fertile, upping their odds of producing lots of healthy offspring. Psychologists at the University of Turku in Finlandfound that men who marry women 14.6 years younger than themselves have the highest number of healthy babies. Likewise, women prefer older, wealthier men due to their status in society, plentiful resources, and ability to provide for their offspring.
The fact is, so-called “obvious research” offers insights about dating and relationships that we need in order to make informed decisions about our own love lives. And people are fascinated by the results even if they could have predicted them as common-sense outcomes, says Haltzman: “People are drawn to reading about and hearing about these studies because humans are social animals, and on an unconscious level, we are constantly trying to make sense of social cues to improve our own standing among our peers. A guy may guess that when a woman strokes a beer bottle and gazes downward she’s interested in him, but it helps to have the scientific proof to back it up!”
Here are the most common dating clichés that actually bear some truth.
Cliché #1: Hooking up on a first date probably won’t lead to love
Women hear it all the time: If you want a relationship, don’t sleep together too quickly. But is this advice simply old-fashioned — or is it legit? Most likely it’s the truth, according to a study conducted by the University College London, University of Warwick and the London School of Economics and Political Science, which found that a relationship does have a better chance of getting off the ground if a couple doesn’t become intimate on the first date. Using a mathematical model, researchers found that more “reliable” men are willing to wait longer before doing the deed. Why does holding out boost your odds of landing a relationship? Researchers say that the early stages of courtship allow women to gather information that helps them assess a man’s romantic potential to ensure that he’s worth sleeping with before doing so.
Cliché #2: Beautiful women expect men to pay for their dinner on dates, and men are happy to offer
It pays to be pretty! Psychologists from St. Andrews University in Scotland found that men are more likely to pay on a date if find the woman to be quite attractive. According to the study, that’s because men believe if they invest their resources and prove they have the potential to be good providers, it increases their chances of securing a second date. Not that the ladies mind, either — the researchers found that women who consider themselves to be physically attractive expected their dates to shell out for dates.
Cliché #3: Men enjoy casual flings more than women do
Samantha Jones might have had her share of one-night stands and meaningless encounters, but the average woman just isn’t into that... at least, not according to findings published in the journal, Human Nature. Why? Evolutionarily speaking, women bear the brunt of child-rearing, so it’s important for them to enter relationships with men who could be potential husbands — making them less likely to hook up with just anyone. When the study’s researchers at Durham University in the UK asked almost 2,000 men and women to talk about their feelings after partaking in a one-night stand, 80 percent of the male participants had positive feelings about their night of passion, saying they secretly wanted their friends to find out about their escapades. Only slightly more than half of the women surveyed echoed those positive feelings (54 percent). In fact, the female participants were more likely to say that they had “let themselves down” and were worried about damaging their reputation, saying they found the experience less sexually satisfying than the men did. Another study conducted by researchers at James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA found that when given a choice, guys opt for hooking up instead of dating and women prefer dating over a casual fling. Who knew?
Cliché #4: Men get uncomfortable when women cry in front of them
Ask any guy how he feels about crying, and he’ll probably say that there’s nothing worse than seeing a woman reduced to tears in his presence. But men aren’t exactly being insensitive jerks; rather, their discomfort with tears has biological roots. A paper published in the journal Science found that female tears actually contain odorless chemicals that physically turn men off. When researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Rehovot, Israel had 24 men aged 23-40 sniff jars containing either female tears or several drops of a salt solution, then had them rate women’s faces for sexual attractiveness, 71 percent of the subjects who sniffed the female tears found the women to be less attractive. What’s more, men who took a whiff of the jar containing human tears showed reduced levels of arousal, a slower breathing rate, and lower levels of the male hormone, testosterone (which could explain why shedding a few tears around a man will make him agree to anything, as long as you stop).
Cliché #5: Bad boys are especially sexy
Sean Penn, Colin Farrell, and Chris Brown: three men most of us might think are indisputably hot, but as luck would have it, scientists still wanted to prove the allure of these bad boys. Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that guys who look moody or sullen are more attractive than men who smile, according to a studypublished in The American Psychological Association journal, Emotion. The reason: A man with a don’t-come-near-me face conveys that he’s strong and valuable — two traits that women traditionally look for in a man.
Cliché #6: Men prefer younger women; women prefer rich men
Donald Trump and Melania Knauss, Kelsey Grammer and Kayte Walsh, Hugh Hefner and… well, anyone may look ridiculous walking down the street together, but these unlikely pairings can be explained with science.Research published in the journal Biology Letters found that men prefer younger women because they’re very fertile, upping their odds of producing lots of healthy offspring. Psychologists at the University of Turku in Finlandfound that men who marry women 14.6 years younger than themselves have the highest number of healthy babies. Likewise, women prefer older, wealthier men due to their status in society, plentiful resources, and ability to provide for their offspring.
Culled yahoo.com
Dienstag, 13. März 2012
The 9 Secrets of Happy Couples
By REDBOOK
Loving couples: In a world where 40 percent of marriages end in divorce, you can't help but notice them. There they are, finishing each other's sentences or laughing in some dusky corner of a Chinese restaurant. They seem so wonderfully in sync, and they make the work of being a couple seem effortless. Of course, no intimate relationship ever is, especially once you factor in life's built-in pressures, like work deadlines, laundry and your daughter's orthodontist appointments.
But, says Jane Greer, Ph.D., Redbook Online's resident sex-and-relationships expert, there are certain core values that make some marriages more intimate and resilient than others. You could probably predict the list: trust, mutual respect, commitment and a strong sense of "we" in the relationship. What is surprising, experts point out, is that when you ask loving husbands and wives about the key to their devotion, over and over you'll hear the same things, specific habits that mirror these values. Learning these secrets can make your marriage closer too.
1. They use terms of endearment
Sure, you may find it cloyingly sweet when you overhear other couples talking like 2-year-olds, but endearments are actually a sign of a healthy rapport.
"Pet names take you back either to the happy childhood you had or the one you wish you had," says Manhattan-based family therapist Carolyn Perla, Ph.D. "They signal a safe, supportive environment." Also, these days, when we're stretched to the limit trying to juggle jobs and kids, "pet names give us the chance to let down our guard, to be vulnerable and childlike. And they make us feel close to one another."
These same feelings of intimacy can also come from using a special tone of voice with each other, sharing silly "inside jokes," or pet-naming your spouse's intimate body parts. The point is to connect with some private message system that's meaningful to you alone, as a couple -- not to the outside world. "This type of playfulness is a statement that you're feeling comfortable with each other and with the relationship," says Dr. Perla.
Related: 25 Snacks Under 150 Calories
2. They do stuff together
When that pheromone-crazy feeling of falling in love passes and happy couples no longer spend all day in bed, they look outward. They start businesses, refinish the attic or take up cooking together.
Of all the variables in a relationship -- from commitment to communication -- the amount of fun couples have together is the strongest factor in determining their overall marital happiness, according to a landmark study by Howard Markman, Ph.D., codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. Time spent playing together, says Dr. Markman, is an "investment in the relationship"; it provides a relaxed intimacy that strengthens the bond between two people. So even if your life is impossibly frantic, make the time for play. And do all you can to eliminate distractions. Leave the kids with a sitter, ditch the beeper and cell phone. The activity doesn't have to be anything elaborate or costly. Exercising together, browsing in antiques stores, or renting a classic movie can help bring the two of you closer.
3. When the going gets tough, they don't call Mom or Dad
The first task facing all young couples is separating from their families of origin, points out San Francisco-area-based family researcher Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D. This doesn't mean you shouldn't go home for the holidays. But if there's a crisis over whether to have a second child or relocate for a new job, or even if there's good news about a big raise or the results of a medical test, the couple should talk about it together first before dialing Mom. "You wouldn't believe how many people who are getting divorced say to me, 'She was never mine,' or 'His mother always came first,'" Dr. Wallerstein observes.
4. They stay connected to their parents
This doesn't contradict No. 3: You can talk with your mom every day and still be clear about where your attachment to her ends and your love for your mate begins.
"Staying connected to parents, siblings, cousins and the like can be excellent for a marriage because it gives a sense of family continuity," says Dr. Greer. "It generates positive feelings, especially when you incorporate your spouse into that family. You're sharing that part of you with each other."
5. They don't nickel-and-dime about chores
It's no secret that most wives continue to do more in the housekeeping and child-rearing departments than their husbands. Still, when partners become double-entry bookkeepers, adding up every dish washed and every diaper changed, they may be headed for trouble.
"Most couples think they should strive for a relationship that's 50-50," observes Dr. Perla, "but the fact is, they should each give 150 percent. In good relationships, couples give everything they can. They don't nickel-and-dime each other, and they respect that each person gives different things."
Related: 17 5-Minute Marriage Makeovers
6. They fight constructively
There's fighting and then there's fighting. When couples start yelling and throwing things, when they dredge up every single complaint they've ever had (or "kitchen-sinking," as marital experts typically call it), you can be sure that they won't be celebrating their silver anniversary together. "Studies show that the way couples handle conflict is the most important factor in determining whether or not they stay together," observes Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D., a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont.
"Happy couples have learned the art of constructive arguing," says Dr. Markman, whose research has demonstrated that it's possible to predict whether or not a couple will divorce after watching them argue for 10 or 15 minutes. In strong marriages, he says, the partners take control of their disagreements by establishing ground rules. They may, for example, call a mutually agreed-upon time-out if the conflict is escalating and unproductive, agreeing to continue the discussion after a cooling-off period. They also truly listen to each other and won't prematurely try to solve the problem before they've heard each other out. Above all, no matter how angry they get, they don't resort to name-calling and insults -- key danger signs, says Dr. Markman.
7. They give each other gifts
Couples who are deeply connected often give each other presents or write little notes, says Thomas Moore, Ph.D., best-selling author of Care of the Soul. What they're doing is preserving the rituals, and the magic, of their courtship.
The gift should carry no strings. Sarah sometimes comes home from work to find that her husband has prepared a candlelight dinner. "But it's not set up to be a prelude to sex," Sarah says laughingly. "John does it because he wants me to feel loved."
Related: Easy Ways to Burn 100 Calories
8. They never lose their sense of humor
Humor, as many psychotherapists have observed, is the Krazy Glue that keeps a couple together. When a couple can no longer laugh together, Dr. Moore says, it's a signal that the soul has gone out of their marriage and they are headed for trouble.
But Dr. Moore is quick to point out that lighthearted couples never mock each other. They instinctively know what is -- and isn't -- fair game. "Sam would never dream of making fun of my big butt," notes Catherine.
9. They take "for better or for worse" seriously
Contented couples encounter their share of life's miseries -- whether it's the car breaking down, a nasty cold or a missed promotion -- but they help each other get through. You don't, for example, hear them say, "How could you let that happen?" when a spouse loses a job. "Couples who do well together tend not to do anything that increases their partner's suffering, like become resentful or criticize," notes Dr. Young-Eisendrath. In good marriages, people feel safe from the outside world. Each spouse, stresses Dr. Greer, has the feeling, "I can count on you, our world is all right."
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Culled from yahoo.com
Dienstag, 6. März 2012
MOTOR CYCLIST VS EDO POLITICS
Edo won't ban Okada - Oshiomhole
by James Azania
Edo State Governor Adams Oshiomhole on Monday said the state government would not ban commercial motorcyclists, also known as Okada riders, from the state.
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He, however, appealed to them to abide by all security and safety regulations and not put their lives and that of their passengers at risk.
He said, “As long as I remain the governor, Okada will never be banned in Edo State. I agree that there are some people who have committed crimes using motorcycles, but that does not mean every motorcycle rider is a criminal. Afterall, some kidnappers have used taxis and even jeeps, and we have not banned taxis and jeeps. To me, crime fighting and crime prevention do not require banning okada.”
Earlier, the Chairman of the Edo State Okada Union, Mr. Peter Adoroh, said the motorcyclists were in the Government House to assure the governor of their total support for him in the forthcoming elections.
He said, “We are prepared to return you to office because we have confidence in you. We see all the good work you are doing and we believe if we give you more time, you will do more and more for the state.”
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